Thursday, January 24, 2008

A Wand By Any Other Name....

I have a wonderful (or terrible, depending upon who you ask) habit of naming things. I got it from my parents who gave names to all of the neighbors that weren't their real names (and weren't necessarily nice names). They realized that this probably wasn't a good idea when we ran into said neighbors at the doctor's office and I, being the mischevious little 6-year old that I was, called them by the name that my parents used. Much embarassment (for my parents) ensued. Ah, youth.

This habit has followed me through my adult life and Sweetie practices it as well (as do many of my fellow IFers). Obviously, infertility treatments are a gold mine for people like me so that you can think up fabulous names for things that have otherwise very boring names. One particular item whose name has always bothered me is the transvaginal transducer that is used during follicle scans. Not only is it a mouthful, but frankly, it doesn't begin to give people an idea of what it really is.

Personally, I call it the 'Condom Wand' because, it is a wand and they put a little condom on it everytime. Kind of boring, but it stuck.

Ms. Heathen over at Reproductively Challenged gave it the deliciously wonderful name of 'Dildo Cam' which I swear makes me giggle everytime I hear it.

Yet another name, provided by Dr. Uterus gleaned from another patient, was the "Penis that Sees All".

I know that my girls who have had the unfortunate circumstance to become intimately acquainted with this particular piece of equipment have also given it wonderful, if somewhat irreverent names. So, what do you call it?


Lesley said...

As a PCOSer, I am well-acquainted with the transvag transducer. I don't have a name for the transducer itself, but I call the ultrasound the Very Special Ultrasound. It's in honor of all those Very Special episodes of Facts Of Life, Diff'rent Strokes, et al that we children of the 80s grew up with.

I am now (in)famous at the hospital where I get them done because the first time I had one I asked if they had a vibrate setting on it. I was feeling tense, and I use humor to deal with such situations.

Deathstar said...

Dildo cam - that's what I used to call it!

Schatzi said...

dildocam. Short, and quite descriptive :-). Occasionally I call it "the wand", as in... I had my wanding today, or the wand monkey showed me the cyst, etc.