Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Dear John*

*Name has been changed to protect the insensitive.

Dear John, Friend from Grad School:

I got your mass email yesterday announcing your new email and wanted to let you know that you are flirting dangerously with being on my Shit List. In case you have forgotten, I will outline your previous sins that have gotten you to this point:

1) You emailed me that your harpie wife was expecting on the exact day that I found out that my baby had died and I had been carrying a dead fetus around for a week. I responded with my congratulations and didn't mention any of my incredible sadness. You never responded.

2) You included me on the mass email with pictures of the new baby when the harpie wife delivered and again, I said the right things and congratulated you. You never responded.

3) You emailed me again to tell me of the new baby and sent more pictures because you couldn't remember if you had emailed me before. I guess you didn't remember that I congratulated you before. This time you deigned to ask how we were doing.

4) I responded again with congratulations (because that's what friends do) and agreed that your baby was the cutest thing on the planet. I also told you of our struggle with infertility and the miscarriage in April. You Never. Wrote. Back. Not one lousy word. A simple "I'm sorry" would have sufficed to let me know that you are at least interested after asking how we were.

5) Now you have sent me a new email address assuming that I want to keep in touch with you. I have no reason to keep in touch. You have obviously just left this one hanging and it will take a lot of groveling for you to get back into my good graces.

So, that's where we stand. Assuming you don't send any more emails blithley ignorning what I shared with you, you will not be banished to having your email blocked. One more "I have the cutest baby on the block" email without any acknowledgment that we had a loss and you will officially be out of my life.

Sincerely,

Mrs. X

ps- the addition of the information in the email that you are changing emails so that it will sync with your Blackberry landed you squarely in the tool column. Just thought you should know that.

7 comments:

shinejil said...

Man, block that dude's address! Tool indeed!

TABI said...

I don't know how many times I've wanted to send an email like this to those idiots who sent me these baby announcements. One person who just had a baby and knew I had a miscarriage wrote "I hear you can't get pregnant. Do you want to come over our place." I thought, "Are you kidding me, that's exactly what I want to do after a miscarriage is go over to your house and hang out with your newborn!" People are so in their own world when it comes to this.

Sarah said...

Hi from a lurker...Wow, you practically bent over backwards to congratulate him. You were the bigger person (over and over again) and he was definitely the smaller. You've done enough! Buh-bye to John.

Mrs.X said...

Well, it sounds like the commenters have voted John unanimously off Mrs. X's island! Actually, I'm almost looking forward to the next missive he sends just to see how insensitive he can get. It's just funny now.

Tabi - I would totally get in their faces about their incredibly stupid and insensitive comment. Do they think that if you drink their water you'll get knocked up?!

Shinejil- tooldom reigns supreme.

Sarah- thanks for de-lurking! How on earth did you find me, though? Just curious. :)

Pamela Jeanne said...

What an absolute shit to send such impersonal and yet in-your-face emails blasts.

A more eloquent Dear John letter I've never read. If only the object of your letter had an ounce of our class. Can you put him on your spam list?

Schatzi said...

Heeheehee. This is a great letter. I can think of a few people in my inbox that could use this...

Lori said...

So long, farewell,
Auf weidersehen, goodbye.

Your Dear John letter's
Sure to make him cry.

(Once he realizes what an a$$ he's been!)

Doot-doo-dle doo doo doo doo doo
Doot-doo-dle doo doo doo.