For the second year in a row, Easter, that Judeo-Christian celebration of Christ's resurrection will be the season of miscarriage and D&C for me.
Our little phoenix is gone. There was lots of growth, but Dr. Uterus could find no heartbeat. We knew that this was a distinct possibility, but it is still so hard.
I recognize the utter inadequacy of words at a time like this, so please just know you both are in my heart. I've been pulling for you so much in the last several weeks and I'm pulling for you now.
Oh my God... I am so, so sorry. I've been thinking about you and your Phoenix so much. It's especially painful having the seasonal link -- I definitely understand that.
Sending lots and lots of healing thoughts your way.
I can't even begin to imgaine the pain you are feeling. You will get through this, and you will be the strongest person you know, because I can't imagine anyone else who will have lived through the despair, joy, despair rollercoaster you have been forced to endure. It's more than unfair; it's cruel. I am thinking of you.
Like everyone else, I'm so sorry. I was keeping everything crossed for you and a healthy phoenix. Now I'm keeping everything crossed for a healthy recovery for you and hubby. I have no idea what it is like to go through this once, let alone twice. It's just not fair! I'm just so sorry, and keeping you in my thoughts... :(
I am 33-year-old dame of many talents and interests. I am married to Mr. X, and despite my mysterious allure, live a fairly uninteresting life in the suburbs. I'm a professional working from home (and no, I do not work in my jammies). We have two kitties (aka Fluffy and the Bad One) of whom we take too many pictures. We are in the process of adopting a Golden Retriever. I'm an only child and I share abominally. I'm an Atheist and have been since I was very young. I do crossword puzzles in pen. I love color and my entire closet is organized like the rainbow. I love words, including knickers, zaftig, snorgle, peevish, and eccumenical. I love to read in the bath. I want to take up piano again. As for kids, well, I've been trying to get pregnant since May 2005 with medical intervention since August 2006. We've had two pregnancies and two miscarriages. As of now, I'm enjoying boozing, exercising, general loose living and all other previously verboten habits.
* June 2008 - mock cycle for FET in August. More butt shots! * March 2008 - June 2008 break * March 2008 - fetus found, measuring small, lived for 2 weeks and then miscarried at 8w6d (monosomy #2). D&C #2 * February 2008 - no fetal pole found, miscarriage predicted * January - February 2008 - 1st IVF cycle, BFP (with 6 totscicles leftover) * August - December 2007 - 4th, 5th and 6th IUI w/ injectibles, BFN * April - August 2007 - break * April 2007 - miscarriage at 9w2d (monosomy #1), D&C #1 * February 2007 - 3rd IUI with injectible, BFP * November 2006 - December 2006 - 1st and 2nd IUIs with injectibles, BFN * October 2006 - laparoscopic surgery, tubes cleared, no endo found * August 2006 - saw 2nd RE, HSG found blocked tubes * July 2006 - referred to 1st RE (who I did not like) * January 2006 - first of six Clomid cycles, nada * May 2005 - stopped BCPs, started TTC * April 2003 - married
For the narrative version of the sordid story going back to the beginning click here and here.
Dr. Uterus: our RE and the man who would knock me up Dr. Freak Out: the opinionated and outspoken embryologist Nurse To A T: Dr. Uterus's nurse Sweetie, Mr. X, the Man: my hubby, love, one and only
What Does It All Mean? A Guide to Abbreviations
Here is a list of popular infertiliy abbreviations:
2WW- two week wait (the wait between an IUI or IVF and the pregnancy test) ART - assisted reproductive technology BCP - birth control pills Beta- a blood pregnancy test and number of amount of HCG in the system BFN- big fat negative (boo) BFP - big fat positive (yay!) D &C- dilation and curettage (just know that you don't ever want one or two) Embies - embryos ER - egg retrieval ET - embryo transfer FET - frozen embryo transfer Follies - ovarian follicles which contain growing eggs HCG - human chorionic gonadotropin - pregnancy hormone HPT - home pregnancy test (see POAS) HSG - Hysteroslapingogram (aka Painful Dye Injection into your uterus) ICSI - intracytoplasmic sperm injection (used with IVF) - sperm are injected directly into the egg to aid fertilization IF - infertility Injectibles - stims that are injected (Menopur, Bravelle, etc) IUI - intrauterine insemination IVF - in vitro fertilization PGS - preimplantation genetic screening POAS - pee on a stick (i.e. take a home pregnancy test) RE - reproductive endocronologist SHG - sonohysterogram (with the emphasis on 'hysterical') Stims- drugs that stimulate egg production Trigger - HCG shot that causes ovulation
24 comments:
Mrs. X, I am so very sorry...your little one was a true fighter, and every sense of the word Phoenix.
Thinking of you...
I recognize the utter inadequacy of words at a time like this, so please just know you both are in my heart. I've been pulling for you so much in the last several weeks and I'm pulling for you now.
I'm so sad to read this post. I was hoping your Phoenix would beat all the odds. I know you were too.
Wishing you peace and healing.
I'm so sorry to hear your news.
Damn. I am so sorry.
If I feel like I've been punched in the gut reading your news, I can only imagine how you are feeling.
I am so sorry, Mrs X, for the loss of Feen X.
Hit that damn bottle.
I am beyond sorry, there are no words.
Shit. I am so sorry. I'm sending all my love your way.
Your virtual merlot awaits, m'lady.
I'm so, so sorry for you and Mr. X. Please take care.
i am so absolutely sorry. you're in my thoughts.
I am so very sorry.
Oh my God... I am so, so sorry. I've been thinking about you and your Phoenix so much. It's especially painful having the seasonal link -- I definitely understand that.
Sending lots and lots of healing thoughts your way.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Hugs to you.
I am so sorry, Mrs. X. Wish I could send a big cyber HUG your way ... or at least my shoulder to lean on, if you need it.
I am so very sorry to read this. Words really aren't enough.
I can't think of anything to say to you, so just know that you & Sweetie are in my thoughts.
I am so sorry. That seems so inadequate for the pain and sorrow you are feeling. I'll be thinking of you.
I can't even begin to imgaine the pain you are feeling. You will get through this, and you will be the strongest person you know, because I can't imagine anyone else who will have lived through the despair, joy, despair rollercoaster you have been forced to endure. It's more than unfair; it's cruel. I am thinking of you.
Like everyone else, I'm so sorry. I was keeping everything crossed for you and a healthy phoenix. Now I'm keeping everything crossed for a healthy recovery for you and hubby.
I have no idea what it is like to go through this once, let alone twice. It's just not fair!
I'm just so sorry, and keeping you in my thoughts... :(
Oh no... I'm so sorry.
I was rooting so hard for your Phoenix. I am miserable to read this.
Please know I am so very sorry...
I don't know what I can say that others haven't already said. I was so hoping for tiny miracle...
Extra strength Tylenol helped me to sleep.
Ditto what everyone else has said - I am truly sorry for your heartache.
Oh no.
I am coming late to this news but I am so very sorry.
(deep sigh)
Pam
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