Friday, April 25, 2008

It's Not the End of the World As We Know It

It may come as a shock to you, dear reader, that I have been known to be on occasion ... well, ... um, a Drama Queen (*snort*). My little Queen gets out and runs around when I'm particularly stressed, or tired, or emotional, or usually, all three. When my Inner DQ gets started, heads will roll, Henny Penny will run around screaming about the sky falling, the Rabbit will be late, dogs and cats will live together and general mass hysteria will be right around the corner. In other words, I will feel as if the cosmic shit will hit the fan at any moment.

It's rare that I get truly riled, but it happens every now and then. I realized on Tuesday that I was getting close to that line. To be perfectly honest, I was a bit of a mess last Tuesday. I was already depressed which in turn made me more susceptible to crapitude should anything the least bit bad come down the pike - which it did and it was a doozy. It didn't help that earlier in the day I had emailed my pregnant best friend laying out my tale of woe and I received a response back that I, - and this is a direct quote, "sound great!". Yep.

So, by the time I found out that we had yet another monosomy which I had been led to believe would be quite unusual, I was fit to be tied and certifiable. I genuinely believed that we had the crappiest luck on the planet, we were doomed to having only furry children, and perhaps strangest of all, that Dr. Uterus was actively jinxing us by continuing to give these sunny pronouncements on high about how it will be better next time. See how whacked out I was?

Wednesday morning rolled around and I rolled around in bed while petting a purring kitty and getting fur everywhere. I knew what I had to do and my choice was solidified through the morning. I had to take a Mental Health Afternoon. And that is exactly what I did. I went shopping at Nordstrom with my Christmas gift card but didn't find anything. I'm so cheap these days that spending $150 on a jacket just seems decadent. I also don't get that Thrill of the Bargain that I do at my favorite consignment store.

I quilted, I worked on the photo album of the quilting process that I will give to my best friend along with the quilt (this being the same friend who thinks I sound great), I started planning the cross-stitch pattern that I want to make (a first!) and I vegged. In my PJs. I also did some good old fashioned emotional thinking and came to a few good conclusions:

1) this is by no means the end of the world. I'm not dead. Sweetie's not dead. Our parents aren't dead and we're going to Paris in a matter of days.
2) it probably isn't as unusual to have two monosomies back to back as Dr. Uterus would have us believe.
3) we have options for the totscicles that we have left, such as PGS (as Denise so rightly pointed out)
4) we can see if there are any screenings for either of us to determine if our chromosomes are pre-disposed to nondisjunction (which is the cause of these abnormalities); and
5) again, this is not the end of the world. The Sky is Not Falling.

Once I had that good talk with my Inner DQ about these revelations, she quieted down. I think she has gone back into hiberation for a while. At least I hope so. I would hate to wake up one morning with Pinkey in my hands hitting curled-up hedgehogs through croquet hoops.


luna said...

have you been to paris before? I've only been once but loved it, so if you're looking for assvice let me know (e.g., the best hot chocolat imaginable -- ecstasy in a cup).

Denise said...

At the risk of sounding like your friend, so sound very rational right now. I won't say good, but rational. And there's always Paris. So jealous of that.

shinejil said...

I'd be raging, too. I think it's only natural. How exciting about Paris! I've been all over, but never there. Can't wait to hear all about it.

Melanie said...

I like your inner DQ, she's got moxy and fun and feistyness and actually a great attitude. No, no I don't mean you sound great, just, well, normal. I haven't been to paris in 15 years so I am immensely jealous and will now take my inner DQ to pout that I'm not going to.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Having just returned from Paris, I can assure you that it will provide a great distraction and mental health therapy extraordinaire. (And, if your drama queen gets bored send her my way to play with my little Queen. I'm thinking they'd get along famously!)

Ms Heathen said...

After everything you've been through, you're perfectly entitled to have moments when you think 'why us?'

I'm so glad that your quilting afternoon gave you a different perspective, and I'm green with envy that you are off to Paris in a few days!

Ahuva Batya said...

I am sad for the pain you are in, and the unfairness of it. I'm so glad you took a mental health day; you definitely deserve it. It's hard to keep any kind of perspective after all the things you have gone through, and yet you sound like you are doing just that. Have a great time in gay Paree.