Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Voices Carry

A few months ago, I gave up reading newspapers online. Instead, I opted just to get the headlines for two delivered to my Google Reader: The New York Times and the Washington Post. I needed a filter so that I wouldn't go through so much stuff that just upset me. For the most part, it's worked out really well. Until today, that is.

I was flipping through the Google Reader and saw that Lori had posted, and although I had lots of work to do, I clicked on over (she always cracks me up and who doesn't need a laugh in the morning?). Funny story about SATC (yes, Charlotte, some girls do get pregnant after they decide to adopt, but most don't!) and then, wham, I saw it. A story about infertility in the New York Times featuring PJ! I couldn't click fast enough.

I can't explain why it was that in reading about infertility, and PJ's experiences in particular, in print made so much of an impact on me. It was if we, as a community, had gone viral, legit, out and proud, whatever you want to call it. I listened to the six voices of women with infertility and I found myself nodding at each one - yep, thought that, that too, oh yea! that one! There was a validation there that I didn't even know I was looking for. The idea that six women were willing to talk about this in public and let it all hang out for the lack of a better term, gave me a certain sense of optimism that some day, more people will understand how hard this.

My optimism was curbed almost immediately by the insensitive-bordering-on-outright-dumb comments that some people posted in response. I shared some of them with Mr. X and he just shook his head, and like the good Libertarian that he is, declared that they were entitled to their opinion. I was less sanguine.

Still, our voices carry. I had forgotten how far they can go. Hopefully, more people will see how hard this all is even if they themselves are not afflicted and recognize that all we ask is to have the same right as everyone else to have a child.

[Mrs. X exits her soapbox. Film at 11.] image: circulating

(Note to my friends who have not dealt personally with infertility but who read this blog: this post was not about you!)
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In other news, I must be a popular girl. I have been tagged not once, not twice, not even three times - but four times! And, they're not even the same meme. I've already used up most of my existential energy this evening, so I will attack the easier of the two tonight: you in six questions courtesy of seriously? and loribeth.

1) What were you doing 10 years ago? Well, I had just graduated from college not even a month before and went home with my parents. I know, big dork, but I knew I wanted to take a year off after college and veg before diving into grad school. So, I was painfully adjusting to living back until the parental roof while trying to find a meaningful (and decent paying) job. Many growing pains ensued.

2) What are 5 things on your to-do list today? Today is almost tomorrow, so I'll list tomorrow's to-do's in no particular order: put an iron choke hold on my work to-do list so that I don't feel so freakin' far behind, pick up Sweetie's dry cleaning, don't forget my dinner date up the street, go to the vet to get more pet food, and try to finish the scrapbook I'm making about how I made the quilt for my best friend's new baby.

3) List some snacks you enjoy: Almonds. I need my protein in the afternoon to keep going!

4) What would you do with a billion dollars?: start a foundation to promote conservation, pet adoption and my other pet causes. Fund scholarships for kids who wouldn't otherwise go to college. Invest the rest and live off of the interest - maybe buy a house in Australia, I love Sydney, but otherwise not change much in my daily routine!

5) List the places you have lived: I have to be kind of vague here so I don't blow my intricately laid cover. But, I'll say that I've only lived in three states in my entire life, in two different time zones.

6) List the jobs you've had: a babysitter, library assistant (book shelver - I loved it), resident assistant in college, membership coordinator at a gym, federal employee, clerk at art supply store, teaching assistant, and now my current job, of which all I will say is that I get paid to play with words.

Whew! For my three, I tag Farmwife, Lesley, and paranoid (who had a great ultrasound today!). Thanks to my peeps, Admin, and pepper - I'll get to your tags soon.

15 comments:

DC said...

Thanks for the heads up on the NY Times article. I'll have to check that out now.

I love this meme! It's so fun to hear about what everyone would do with their billions. :)

seriously? said...

I ready your favorite snacks and I immediately thought one of the most random (yet funny) commercials. It was the one with Robert Goulet. At 3pm, eat nuts to keep Robert Goulet away...

I used to keep cashews on my desk. I ate them all though. I hope my mom buys me more :)

loribeth said...

Thanks for playing! : )

I too found the NYT article via Lori's blog. Great stuff (if you can ignore the dumb comments).

FarmWife said...

I only read a few of the comments on that article & I wanted to punch people in the face. It never ceases to amaze me how stupid & insensitive people can be. Grr...

Thanks for tagging me. I'll get right on it!

Shelli said...

Extremely powerful. I really identified with the one woman talking about "a complete loss of control". Boy, did that ring true for me.

I only wish they could have also added a person speaking about secondary IF or RPL...

I didn't read the comments, because I feel a bit punchy today and didn't want to go there!! ;-)

Thanks for the great post!

Sunshine & Kitten Farts said...

I'm happy you feel better knowing there are other people out there who are going through the same thing you are. It must make you feel normal and sane, which you are. You just have a tougher road than most.

peesticksandstones said...

I know what you mean about the Times article -- especially considering how much press they usually give to "mommy" issues, it really made me feel validated or something finally.

And it amazes me how much the mean, evil comments hit me right in the gut -- as if aimed at me personally. When will that ever get easier?

Wilma said...

I'm sorry you read those comments. I'm sorry that negativity was put into your world, into your existence.

I may not understand the desire for a child, but I would never mock or denigrate someone for having that desire.

SAHW said...

I was thrilled to see the article too, and I loved the voices section. Somehow, hearing people talk made me feel even more emotional about IF than I normally do reading people's blogs...I didn't realize there was a comments section yesterday, because I might have gone over on the other end of emotional...I read some today, but I stopped, b/c some people are just idiots and not worth my time to read.

Via NCLM...I love the look of your blog and you "intricate cover". :)

Lori said...

Mrs X,

I am having a really tough day. Your kind words are making me cry...in a good way.

Thanks.

Aunt Becky said...

I read the article and part of the comments. I eventually had to stop reading the comments so as not to spontaneously combust with rage. I was shocked and appalled by those comments. And disgusted.

Duck said...

I read the NY article too and it was great.
Yes I hate hate hate hate when i hear about people that adopt and get pregnant, or people telling me to adopt so I will get pregnant, yeah thaat may be true if you're healthy and have undiagnosed infertility, but when your insides are F***ed you're not getting accidently knocked up.
opps i just ranted on your blog, sorry.

Pepper said...

The NYT article was awesome. I looked for comments, but didn't see any and find it hard to fathom that anyone would have something negative to say about it. What is THAT about? People can be so idiotic.

Must go sing "Voices Carry" now because I can't get that song outta my head ...

Lesley said...

When I saw that article in the Times, I thought of you. I agree -- it's great that a paper like that is not only discussing infertility but infertility bloggers. The people who leave comments are insane though. However, I think the ones over at Salon.com are even crazier.

Thanks for the tag -- I can always use blog ideas.

Lesley said...

(This may be a double post -- I think blogger ate my first attempt at a comment!)

I thought of you when I saw that article in the Times. I'm also glad to see that they're giving some attention not only to infertility but to those who blog about it.

Thanks for the tag. I will get right on that!